I watch people send txt messages on those cable music channels. "URmigurl4vr Shalyia 6.5.09!!!" Stuff like that....

Anyway, thank goodness I was listening to lyrics when we hit "Metal" last night because I made the best discovery EVER (since maybe Axel4Love even).

Steel Panther.

On the surface, glam metal.

Underneath, OMG.

This is the song I heard (though it was slightly edited for tv):

Community Property

YEAH!

I wrote this in November 2004:

The Spine was a little slick, and also contained a disappointing lack of the WTF Factor. Any TMBG album that I eventually love starts out with me being puzzled and surprised - if it's all laid out neatly, according to a larger, easily- penetrated, grand schema, the album will get boring fast. Mostly, The Spine was too thin in the two axes on which I want TMBG albums to swing.

Axis 1: Flansburgh necks-ercise. There were too few of those tracks by Mr. Flansburgh that usually make me sit up and bob my head around in a pathetic white girl way. Flansburgh is a big juicy hamburger - thick, dense, redolent of tasty reliable middleness, middle culture, middle America, a center of things. Buddha belly music.

When he is doing his Flanburgherest, you get stuff like "Prevenge." I am listening to it right now, and my head is doing the involuntary bobbing thing. With TMBG, usually you know what you ordered, what that hamburger (Flans-burgher with cheese, please) is gonna do on your plate, on your palate, and when you have finished, you're satisfied. I'm still hungry after I listen to The Spine. My neck hasn't gotten a complete work out, either.

Axis 2: Not enough WTF. To get this flavor, one should order his Flansburgher with a side of Linnell. I do, anyway. The Linnell platter is chef's choice, and you might get a Pierian pimento sandwich on white with broken shards of 100 watt lightbulb artfully embedded in it. Or you might get fried chicken heads on an eyeball polenta, with a ladle or two of sinfully creamy baritone, or maybe with some whiskey n smoke flavored black cherry reduction. The whole cherries blink back at you from the plate. Yikes. WTF, I mean, WTF.

It is the integral to the TMBG experience, that you get a little creeped out in places. The Linnell side order, like your 'burgher, is finger food, but it's food you fear, eat anyway and then gingerly lick your fingers. Sometimes the food licks your fingers for you, which makes you squirm. Not enough of this creepiness on The Spine. Museum of Idiots does it: listening to it, all the hair on my upper torso stands straight up. But very little of that piloerection occurs on other Spine tracks.

If you talk to me later, I may have listened to The Spine more, and may have decided it is a meal, but I still am thinking "snack."

Now, about 5 years later, I really like The Spine, and don't feel it's light-weight at all. It just amused me that my initial reaction was less than enthusiastic. I'd forgotten.

Since suegypt requested a post on seven-league boots, I might as well tackle them now. Fantastic literature is full of shoes with magical transportation properties, including Hermes' winged sandals, Jack the Giant-Killer's shoes of swiftness, and the Wicked Witch of the East's Silver Shoes. Seven-league boots, however, are a particular kind of magical footwear that, in one stride, will take the wearer...well, seven leagues, which is the same as twenty-one miles. Why this distance? Well, the Wikipedia article suggests that it was traditional for a horseback messenger to change horses every seven leagues, meaning that was the only time that their boots would touch the ground. Certainly an intriguing idea, but this could easily be one of those origin stories that everyone repeats but that turns out to most likely be bunk, like "Ring Around the Rosie" being about the plague or "the whole nine yards" having something to do with machine guns. Anyway, seven-league boots make appearances in several European fairy tales, and still show up from time to time in more recent literature. There's a pair in Diana Wynne Jones's Howl's Moving Castle, and Howl's assistant Michael tells Sophie that a single step will actually only take a person three and a half leagues. Terry Pratchett's Discworld series plays on the idea of seven-league boots, saying that they're no longer in use by the wizards there because of the strain that walking seven leagues at once will put on the human body, particularly in the groin area. I think I'll stick to magic carpets, thank you!

In my ongoing quest to highlight the most interesting of mythological creatures, it was pretty much inevitable that I would sooner or later come to the roc (also sometimes spelled "rukh"), that giant bird of prey. And when I say "giant," I don't just mean run-of-the-mill enormity. I mean a bird with legs the size of tree trunks, that can pick up full-grown elephants and rhinoceroses in order to eat them. Marco Polo mentions rocs in his own writings, but they're probably better known from their appearances in the 1001 Nights. When Sinbad the Sailor was marooned on an island where a roc nested, he had to use his family-friendly comedy routine to escape. No, he actually hitches a ride to another island on the roc's leg. On a later voyage, his crew disobeys Sinbad's orders and kills a baby roc, only to be bombarded with rocks by the parents. (Sinbad seemed to lose an entire crew on pretty much every voyage. Compared to him, Captain Kirk's track record was pretty good.) And if you're like me, you remember when Popeye fought Sinbad and cooked a roc in a volcano.

And since I try to take pretty much everything back to Oz, I feel obligated to mention that, in Captain Salt in Oz, the titular character tells his cabin boy of his desire to be a roc collector. He's heard that the birds nest on Rock Island (no, not the one in Illinois, but the one in the Nonestic Ocean, shown on the Oz Club's map to be some distance south of Peakenspire), and hopes to find a way to preserve a roc's egg and get it to the Emerald City. If it were to hatch, even a newborn roc chick (no, not the Debbie Harry variety; that's spelled differently) would be powerful enough to carry off his entire ship.

One fantasy series that makes extensive use of rocs is Piers Anthony's Xanth, probably largely because of how many puns you can make out of the word. (Hey, I've made at least three of them so far in this very post.) What with his tendency to come up with odd cross-breeds, I'm surprised we haven't yet seen him mention a Crocodile Roc or a Roc Lobster, but maybe they're coming in future books. Xanthian rocs actually don't seem to be anywhere near as large as the varieties that Sinbad and Samuel Salt were familiar with. I seem to recall one book suggesting that they were about the size of elephants, while the traditional roc was much bigger than that.

Anyway, roc on, everybody. And happy birthday to jenhime!

This a thing I did where I was intending to take a picture of my face once a day for a while. (It lasted four months, March 18 to July 12.) This was mostly to document the growth of my beard. Unfortunately it didn't work out well: right after I started, my computer died so I kept using kotra's laptop for it, and the lighting kept being different for each picture, and I generally didn't know what I was doing, so the beginning doesn't look very good. I took out several pictures from this period. Also, near the end I kept forgetting to do it. For some reason I have trouble doing something once a day after a while, perhaps because I have trouble with any sort of routine (because of that sleeping thing that I don't feel like explaining again). Anyway, it still looks kinda neat and I hope it's enjoyable to people who aren't me.

Also, I want to tell you that opening a banana from the bottom is much easier than from the stem. It does mean you have to deal with the icky part on that end but I guess that's edible.

New Notes Feature
Automatic Detect Location
Pingbacks for All
Birthday Wishes

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New Features:

• Added optional location identification when creating a new entry or editing an old one. The user can push the “detect” button and it will automatically fill in general location based on IP. For more detailed location Google Gears, Wi2Geo, or a Wi-Fi connection is required.
• Paid users can now create a nickname or "Note" which only they will see when viewing the "lj user" tag or when viewing the other user's profile.
• Pingbacks will now be enabled for Basic and Plus accounts. Pingbacks are currently only available for use for LiveJournal entries and links; external pingbacks have been disabled until they're able to be used correctly (we're waiting for other pingback-enabled sites to upgrade to the newest version).

Bug fixes:

• Cyrillic MSN interstitial disabled for Opera users
• Improved performance of admin/schools/pending.bml so that it should no longer time out when called with arguments (LJSV-653)
• Made all content on create.bml https instead of mixed secure/insecure content
• Fixed bug that prevents some users from accessing their message center inbox (LJSV-351)
• Fixed bug that incorrectly routes http requests with a trailing period after livejournal.com
• Updated http://www.livejournal.com/bots to point to the current atom stream at http://atom.services.livejournal.com/atom-stream.xml
• Corrected typo on sponsor.bml page (LJSV-632)
• Made change to handling of javascript/html cleaner

Enhancements:

• Embedded videos now show up correctly when viewing entries in a moderated community queue (LJSV-363)
• A community maintainer can now see if an entry is marked explicit while it is still in the moderation queue (LJSV-617)
• Changed the MSN icon and alt-text in user's profile
• Video placeholders now have an alt tag for accessibility

I just stumbled on a job posting for a Paperchase merchandiser in my area. I think the position has already been filled, but after looking at the job post, I'm really scratching my head. They get paid $11-$17 per hour, depending on experience. Paperchase merchers get paid more than booksellers? More than supervisors?

I've wanted many kinds of magic items from fantasy stories to actually exist, but one of my personal favorites is the flying carpet. It seems a more comfortable and stylish way of flying than other devices. Granted, I'd probably actually be scared to death if I were to ride on one (I have a problem with heights, after all), but it's still fun to imagine. And imagine I have, since such a carpet is the kind of thing that could be hiding anywhere. Maybe that's one reason I'm not too fond of wall-to-wall carpeting. There's no way you're going to be able to fly off to adventure on THAT, is there? I remember being at my grandmother's house and pretending that the rugs on the upstairs floor were like the carpets from Super Mario Bros. 2.

One thing I have to wonder about the SMB2 carpets is why the Pidgits are able to ride on them indefinitely, but your characters only get a few seconds on them before they disappear. Is it a weight issue, or do they have some sort of self-destruct feature for when someone other than their rightful owner uses them? Pidgits reappeared in a few other Mario games, but only occasionally did they use their carpets. If you can beat the Special World in Super Mario World, the Bullet Bills all turn into Pidgit Bills. Pidgits didn't appear that much in the Super Mario Bros. Super Show cartoons, but there was an episode in which they ate carpets instead of riding them. Was the fact-checker who'd actually played the Mario games on vacation at the time? Actually, though, it might be convenient to occasionally take a bite out of your means of transportation. I suppose you wouldn't get much of a trade-in value for it after that, though.



Magic carpets appear in a lot of different fantasy stories, but they're most closely associated with the tales of the Arabian Nights, and most specifically with the story of Prince Husain's carpet. Islamic legend also claims that King Solomon had his own flying carpet, and this page claims that they also featured in Egyptian, Tibetan, and Indian legends. So I'm not sure of the original source of such rugs, but they were surely the greatest invention since pita bread.



Oh, and by the way, happy birthday to gloworm59!

bethje and I watched the Bullshit! episode on video game violence, which was pretty good. I think it was fairly early on that they brought up the quite convincing argument that violent video games are so ubiquitous these days that pointing out that a school shooter enjoyed them means about as much as saying he liked ice cream. (That wasn't their example, but it was along those lines.) Another point was that kids learn early on to separate fantasy from reality, which I would also consider a valid argument against the fundamentalist fear that kids who read Harry Potter or play Dungeons & Dragons will start casting magic spells for real. I can't say I've ever been too big on the ultra-violent video games myself, even though I can see their appeal. I think I look for much the same thing in games that I do in books, which means I prefer the ones with good stories, and preferably a sense of humor as well.

Speaking of video game violence, I have to say I like the idea that Jared Davis proposed on Twitter of a Super Smash Bros. sort of a game starring Oz characters. It might be a little difficult to come up with a reason why Oz characters would want to fight each other (the Oz books aren't free from violence, but they aren't exactly known for epic battles, especially between the good guys), but then, I remember hearing that the first Super Smash Bros. said something about the various Nintendo characters actually being toys, hence avoiding the issue of why, say, Mario would want to beat up on Link. I don't know whether this idea carried over into Melee or Brawl, though. I haven't played any of those games, and I consider it a hole in my life. Anyway, though, I could see a lot of the Oz characters working well as brawlers: the Tin Woodman with his axe, the Cowardly Lion, the Hungry Tiger, the Wizard of Oz with his Black Bag, the Tin Soldier with his sword, the Woozy with his fiery eyes, Reera the Red with her transformational powers, etc. The Scarecrow might have to sit this one out, though. And while I'd like for Dorothy to be a part of it, I'm not sure how the censors would take to a little girl engaging in street fighting, even if she DOES have a Magic Belt. Besides, if they included Dorothy fighting Wicked Witches, it might lead impressionable youths to start throwing water at old ladies.

http://www.thebookseller.com/news/91136-borders-launches-clearance-sale-in-five-closing-stores.html

Don't panic--yet. This is in the UK, but read all the comments so you can practice ahead of time.

Does anyone have it handy?  I would really appreciate it.

Mother of...the swimsuit website I ordered that pretty suit from said they ran out of my size RIGHT when I was ordering it.

Anybody need some boobs? Mine are conspiring to keep me away from any and all bodies of water at the moment.

No, I'M not leaving LiveJournal, but I thought I'd provide some links for non-LJ blogs that I'm following through RSS feeds, just in case anyone was curious about what else I read:

1UP's Retro Gaming Blog - A video game blog
A Is for Atheist - I started following him by way of another blog, primarily because he was going to write his own commentary on the Bible. He hasn't gotten too far along so far, but his posts are worth reading.
Alea Iacta Est - Another guy I don't know personally, but who had a series of posts that I found interesting and entertaining enough to merit following him anyway. In this case, it's a series of flippant but factual entries on the history of monotheism.
Amanda Fucking Palmer - I don't follow that many celebrity blogs, but I appreciate the friendliness and candor of the female half of the Dresden Dolls.
Back of the Cereal Box - Drew Mackie, a fellow Super Mario fan, word nerd, and pop song analyst
Captain SNES - A sprite comic that's essentially a follow-up to the Captain N cartoon show. It's not only funny, but also has hints of a deeper story behind it all. I wish there weren't such long waits in between strips, but I guess the authors of such strips DO have other things going on in their lives.
Cinemassacre Productions - Site of James Rolfe, best known as the Angry Video Game Nerd, but he reviews other things as well.
The Comics Curmudgeon - Josh Fruhlinger's snarky commentary on newspaper comics. This site has become so popular that it's pretty much impossible to keep up with the user comments, unless you have an entire day to devote to each post. Fortunately, the funniest ones are immortalized in the Comment of the Week posts.
Comics I Don't Understand - Another comics blog, focusing on confusing comics, plus some others that are gross, unusually sexually explicit for a family newspaper, or actually funny.
Dwindling in Unbelief - The blog of the guy who maintains the Skeptics' Annotated Bible, it covers topics similar to those on the website.
Electronic Cerebrectomy - I discovered Aaron/SamuraiFrog's blog through his amusing Bible Summarized by a Smartass series of posts, and found that he had some interesting takes on other subjects as well. Check out his current Twilight Summarized by a Smartass posts, and his series of G.I. Joe episode reviews. Probably not safe for work, due to occasional nudity (I'm not sure whether to thank or blame him for indirectly introducing me to the world of busty British models), but certainly worth a look.
Francesco Explains It All - The blog of the guy responsible for Sally Forth and Medium Large (more on the latter later on)
Greta Christina - I found her blog through a link in vee_ecks's comments, and found that she had interesting atheistic takes on religion. She also wrote about attending an orgy, which was pretty interesting for someone as generally sexually naive as I am.
Jesus and Mo - A comic featuring Jesus and Mohammed living together in the modern world, with some quite funny jokes on religion.
KafirGirl - I wish she would get back to blogging. I miss her sarcastic commentary on the Quran.
Kim Boekbinder Vermillion - One of the sisters from Vermillion Lies
Medium Large - A comic by the guy who also draws Sally Forth, full of entertaining pop culture references and such.
No Smoking in the Skullcave - Pop culture, pin-ups, and art, maintained by SamuraiFrog's wife Becca
Oz and Ends - John Bell, Oz and children's book aficionado
The Oz Enthusiast - Bill Campbell, Oz collector and co-author of Masquerade in Oz and The Lavender Bear of Oz
Press the Buttons - Another video game blog
The Royal Blog of Oz - Jared Davis, another Oz fan
S.P. Maldonado's Oz Art - Yeah, more Oz, this time from an illustrator's point of view
Slacktivist - Hey, an evangelical Christian who actually thinks about things! I especially appreciate his commentary on the Left Behind series and its terrible theology.
Small Victories - not_glimmer's Tumblr account
Tavie - The actual journal of therealtavie, a friend of mine famed in song and story for her long locks and promotion of the Kids in the Hall. (Okay, I guess it was actually Erin who had a song written about her, wasn't it?)
That Guy with the Glasses - Home of the Nostalgia Critic and other amusing reviewers
There's More to Oz Than the Yellow Brick Road - F. Douglas Wall, who's putting together an Oz role-playing game, talks about...well, mostly Oz and role-playing, oddly enough. {g}
TumblFrog - SamuraiFrog's Tumblr account
Unreasonable Faith - A frequently updated atheist blog
Vermillion Stories - This is the blog of the band Vermillion Lies, but it hasn't been updated all that recently.
Welcome 2 My Life - Jared Davis' non-Oz journal
The Wonderful Blog of Oz - Eric Gjovaag, possibly the first person to have a blog dedicated to Oz

I'm always up to following other blogs as well, so let me know if there's anything else that should be on my list.

In other news, happy Bastille Day! It's too bad I don't like the French, because they're all a bunch of craven cowards who surrender instantly to anything, and they wouldn't join the United States in the Iraq war! Wait, if they're cowards, why would we WANT them on our side? Wow, I didn't realize that the arguments on Fox News aren't always internally consistent! Next thing you know, I'll find a flaw in the argument that Obama is both a socialist and a fascist! :P

My original plan was to write a post on Ploppa, the giant mud-turtle from The Yellow Knight of Oz, a minor character but a quite likable one. But since his role in the book involves a friendship with Sir Hokus of Pokes, I might as well include the knight himself in this post. Yeah, I know I was primarily going for somewhat less prominent characters with these posts, and Hokus is a major player in the early Thompson Oz books, but I've already kind of broken that rule a few times. Actually, I'm planning on eventually going back through the series and profiling more significant characters. But for now, here's Sir Hokus.



This knight known as Sir Hokus of Pokes due to his spending several centuries imprisoned in the dull, sleepy city of Pokes. It's there that Dorothy and the Cowardly Lion find him during the events of The Royal Book of Oz, and help him to escape at long last. He's an impulsive old man, always wanting to go on a quest or slay a monster, and often looking at things through the lens of medieval romance. Sort of like Don Quixote, actually. Unlike seventeenth-century Spain, however, Oz actually has giants and dragons. They're just not quite what the good knight expects.



Sir Hokus is quickly accepted as part of Ozma's court, and makes at least token appearances in most of the first few Thompson Oz books. There are several references to his being seven centuries old, and strong hints that he originated in King Arthur's England. Arthur is generally thought to have lived in the sixth century or so if he existed at all, but this was some time prior to the era of knights in armor. Over the years, the Arthurian legend came to incorporate a lot of anachronistic material, and the castle with the Round Table and all that is probably much closer to the thirteenth century or so, which would make it about right for Hokus' seven centuries. It doesn't really matter in the end, however, as Yellow Knight reveals that the knight isn't from Merrie Olde England after all, but rather from...well, I don't want to spoil the ending. If you want to know, read the book. Or look up spoilers elsewhere online. Whatever.



During the course of his adventure in this book, the knight comes across the dreary kingdom of Marshland (which, despite its name, is technically a swamp, as it has trees), where the hideous Queen Marcia tries to force him into marriage. The giant turtle Ploppa initially takes Hokus to see the queen, then helps him to escape when she locks him up. Like a lot of Thompson's Ozian animals, Ploppa is very friendly and devoted, and is upset that he can't continue to travel with the good knight. As the turtle himself puts it, "I must have mud and you must have adventure. Oh, why cannot people who like each other like the same things?"



Oh, and happy birthday to fellow Oz fan ozma914!